you definitely have a few illegitimate kids
probs. Not too worried about it though. MOst girls are too embarrassed that they let me into their pants that they'll never admit its mine
The only reason why I invited him to my party was because he is suicidal.
wrong asian. never thought that would happen.
On the way home from Florida I threw up at the beginning border and ending border of 6 states. You win this year Spring Break.
11am puke and rally. THIS is what I'm gonna miss about college.
The story about him having a girlfriend changed real fast when he found out that I was a gymnast
That's the saddest description of touching yourself I've heard since someone said "I was just lazily rubbing my clitoris while eating Cheetos alone"
He hasn't responded, but he probably just jizzed in his shorts again, so I'll give him time.
Nothing says "welcome to Denver" like a hot 18 year old giving you directions to the dispensary and ending up blowing you in the backseat
Deciding whether to take my sex toys home for Christmas will be the biggest decision I make this holiday season
Beat the bartender in a shot challenge for a free tab. I won that, and him. I never get tired of the "this is my first time with a guy.." bullshit.
How do you even...
The magic of Christmas. And whiskey, of course.
We had a One Night Stand 6 months ago but he just Facebook invited me to his wedding. Who the fuck does that.
my confident boosted when he told me that it was I who started making out with him. ME. NOT HIM.
I AM SHOCKED AND PROUD OF MYSELF
Drunk me also decided it would be funny to change all the passwords on my computer last night. Now I can't log into anything.
He was shirtless in my yard saying he was jesus
Randomize
