i have essays due online every friday...im just going to write 'im hungover' for every one
I think I'm on the verge of a really slutty period in my life
I feel like I'm a marionette being lifted around. Four Loko.
why is there a clump of hair nailed to my wall?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just had a nice conversation with my landlord while cleaning your puke off my car
If someone would have told me in preschool that I was going to do him I would have said no
She peed in the limo. She stood up and pulled up her dress and peed on the floor of the limo.
this may be my drink champagne alone in a bbaby pool in the dark night
So the chick throws up over the rail from the 15th floor at the sky bar and I knew I would take her back to my hotel.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was going through my mom's stuff to find her xanax, and I found her vibrators instead. Plural. That is like the opposite of what I wanted.
I'm such a good drunk match marker. You single, you single... Drunk friend meet single boy. BOOM illegitimate baby made!
Trying to roll joints on a seadoo in the middle of a lake on a windy night. -Juststonerthings
do you remember yelling out "insecurity makes my pussy dry!" unnecessarily loud at the bar?
I don't need romance, I need cheese sticks
She told me to take deeps breaths and I said I said YOU FUCKING TAKE A BREATH CAROL IM SURE IF YOU WERE IN MY POSITION YOU WOULD HAVE OFFED YOURSELF ALREADY and she said my name is Becky 😂
Randomize