Midnight walks are trippy
I tried to do that earlier, but I was alone and scared, so I stole a happy Birthday balloon.
I kind of had a moment like that kid whose mom cancelled his WoW subscription, except I didn't try to shove a remote control up my own ass.
So I've been thinking a lot since she told me she's prego. But what I want to know is why my voice of reason sounds like Thomas fucking Jane!?
My professor just suggested making the state of the union more interesting by turning it into a drinking game. Brilliant!!
she kept checking the clock when she was giving me head and at midnight she said she had to stop because she cant eat meat on fridays is that bitch serious
I wish I had a frozen water bed.
best. idea. ever.
We're on a cock hunt. Everything is fair game.
i caught myself talking to a pigeon about my yeast infection.
I have pictures of you scratching against the sliding glass door on your knees screaming how you felt like a lamb.
I'm gonna make a mold of your dick so I can make popsicles
I've reached the point in my life where I desire cats more than men
I've decided to give up hard drugs for the rest of the year.
can you please not set my house on fire for once???
Alas, I cannot find a male suitor sharing my affinity for sport culture who will both manhandle me and treat me with the respect a young Hillary supporter wants and deserves
You literally snort drugs up your nose and you’re questioning the brand of the multivitamin right now?
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