I didn't have a rubber, but my dick had a date with a clorox wipe after we finished. I think I'm in the clear.
so this guy on craigslist is offering a case of beer to shave his back. i think i'm gonna take him up on it.
Walk of shame... his parents made me go to church with them first. in my club top sweat pants and slippers. i just slapped god in the face
It's really awkward/depressing when you are wearing heels larger than his dick
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i would think by now you'd realize that my penis does whatever the fuck it wants and i have no control over the situation
And I kind of want to stare at skinny jonah hill like a weird zoo exhibit lol.
I think I just asked the Greek gyro guy on a yoga date.
So the name of the kid from the sponsor a child comercial popped into my head while I was masturbating this morning. Needless to say I will now be now be donating out of guilt.
Dude, double fisting packs of Ramen saved my life last night
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I had to dig my own trench to puke in at the resort. That much fun.
Why was I lying under a truck last night?
You were trust falling into bushes
I have a bunch of bug bites on my ass... This is why you don't have sex against a tree in the woods
Everyone has seen your nipples. It's like asking if they ever walked on grass. You need better hangover questions.
I love you, but seriously, that was way too long a thesis on an Arby’s curly fry being wrapped around schlong!
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