I hope you're ready because I look like an elf on crack had a baby in the medieval era and that baby grew up to be a whore
Can't imagine what could be worse than pet-naming your penis, but I'll let it go.
you were trying to give my penis an indian burn.
Dude, a dry wedding reception should nullify the vows, because really, without the booze, you might as well be 5 years old again and playing dress-up
you kept lying down on the floor at the bar just to prove you could get back up
she told me she sucks everyone's dick but mine because mine is too big and "hard to suck" i need to reevaluate the girls i fall in love with.
I've never heard a "this is the reason why i dont suck your cock" explanation go in that direction
Just shaved my vagina. It's been so long I forgot what it looked like. You need to come over right now.
don't worry about the poodle she's always like that. she's like 14 years old and ate a bag of weed when she was a puppy.
You peed in the parking lot while a car was was waiting behind us. And when people walked by you proceeded to say "careful you might slip"
should i go to class, or party with a mariachi band?
meriachi band is very tempting, do they have dos equis?
her dad gauges his nipple piercings.
You're putting the star player on the bench. You dont put Michael Jordan on the bench.
Are you referring to my vagina as Michael Jordan?
I'm getting paid over-time to sit on reddit and look at dicks and abs all day. I'm really happy right now.
All I wanted was a couple of orgasms before work, is that too much to ask?!
Longest 30 seconds of my life
10/10 so not recommended
Randomize
