Also my back is semi rug burned and I'm holding you fully responsible.
I would love to give you more rug burn
Gfs sis is in town. Its awkwardly obv that we want to fuck each other.
her eyes looked like someone had poured fruit punch in them. needless to say we had a good time.
M WATCHING THE HISTORY CHANNEL AND IT SAID THAT WHEN THE LUST PART OF THE BRAIN IS ACTIVATED THE JUDGEMENT PART IS NOT. THIS EXPLAINS SO MUCH.
He couldn't stand on his own, but he managed to somehow to get to the beer garden and get served 3 more. I'm proud to call him my cousin.
I just saw a wasted dude crawl out of the road at 2 in the afternoon. Big question- still drunk from the weekend or hitting the soju already?
I think I need to donate blood to see if I have Hepatitis. Again.
Dude i swear to christ if he sends me one more pic of a "magnificent dump" im changing my number
I'm sorry I peed on your everything.
James is trying to butt-heads with a moose. I don't know whether I should stop him or just sit back and watch where this goes.
Are you okay?
I went home with a 38 year old guy in a kilt, do I look okay!
Woke up this morning with a darth vader helmet and a bath robe on with my toenails shitly painted
No way in hell. Unless I was drunk Tindering again....my swiping finger gets drunk too I guess
So my step mom just informed me she tells stories about me at work as a form of birth control for the girls that work there, not sure if i should be offended or proud.
I don't mean to alarm you but are the strongest testicles in the family. I just learned I can lift 90 lb with my balls! Beat that.
Randomize
