There's a sucker born every minute but swallowers are harder to find.
So glad I found your sister.
this bucketlist has just become an excuse for me to be slutty, and i'm not even ashamed
I now beleive the Trojan Ecstasy ad "feels like nothing's there". They forgot to add "...cause the condom broke."
How long can I microwave pasta with a 20 percent alcohol content?
Drank another frat president under the table. Thinking of starting my own, gonna call it Alpha Phi Alcoholics
I sat on his lap and we shared a beer. I feel like that's an invitation to his dick.
the ladder is at the bottom of the pool
It'll be like a meth lab. But with jello.
May or may not have just lost a contact hanging out Anthony's sunroof. Drunk. Hint: I can only see out of one eye right now.
Post walk of shame: realized the underwear I put on when I left was another girl's underwear.... woof
Amazon.com "suggested" I buy both nipple clamps and opera gloves.
I'm eating lunchables with a glass of wine while I FaceTime the guy I lost my virginity to.
He told me to tell my ass that he loved and missed it, and even though he hasn't known it long, it might be the one for him
You know you're an upperclassmen when you go to a party with no makeup, wet hair, weed socks, and no shoes, take a shot ski, then leave
No we were too stoned to stop you from wiping the peanut butter all over the car.
Randomize
