I have said "that's the wrong hole" for the last time.
Jason Williams (yeah the ex-nets center...) drunkenly told me that, while drinking, I should take an ambien and a cialis before i go home...that will "give me a 25 minute window to have sex and then goto sleep before the bitch starts bothering me"....
He gave Paula abdoul a run for her crazy
I don't remember her name, all I remember is trying to suck the wedding ring off her finger.
does it still count as break up sex if it's 4 months later? sorry i'm just looking for an excuse to fuck him.
I would do laundry with you but I vaguely remember swallowing all my quarters last night as some kind of trick.
she gave me one of those friendship bracelets and said as long as I wore it it was like an all-access pass to her vagina
In all fairness I did warn the guy I just spray tanned before we had sex so I hold no responsibility for the bronzer all over his sheets
Just found a bag of weed nailed to the door that my dealer dropped off since I wasn't home. God I love Boulder.
i just remember doing it on a pile of clothes while i heard the muffled sound of his friend laughing. then i realized we were in a closet.
This chick had a condom box organized by size with dividers that glowed in the dark.
Always keep a stash of tequila in your work desk. That is like adulting 101.
Apparently i tried to feed this guy's piranhas my whole left arm.. according to him, i was "showing them whos boss, bc if they try to eat my arm, im guna punch their face"
just had a woman ask me to donate my eggs so that her baby could look like me. don't know whether to get a restraining order or be flattered. thoughts?
So I thought you might like to hear how I went to sams club to print some pictures and suddenly there was 20 pictures of your dick and my snatch on the screen
Randomize
