I just peed or puked all or around my parjibgb lot.
parking. I am not drunk
If you did the rosary as much as you masturbated, you would be the pope
Every night before bed, when I used to say prayers, now I just think to myself 'freshman sluts. Soon'
Is it bad that I was more upset about not getting the perfume he told me he had bought for me then the actual breakup?
I walked into his room and he was naked with a half eaten pecan pie and a bottle of wine.
No fucking idea. Just paid for my chipotle in chocolate coins, though. Either there is a huge language barrier happening here, or my big boobs are finally paying off.
she was talking at me constantly for like 20mins. i kept praying for a brain hernia but it kept not happening...
Fuck. I'm going to pass the savings right on to the strippers. It's trickle down economics.
my mom just left...time to break out that water bottle of wine that I sewed into my teddy bear
We fucked to the rythmn of the thunder, it was magical
I got a 5/5 with my "I don't want a baby" rant essay. She said my use of the word "leeches" was a powerful metaphor :)
My roommate just walked in on him eating me out ..happy finals week right?
My moral compass cannot be waived by two measly bloody Mary's
Well, I could just slap my dick to my phone and see what it says
You have thirteen minutes to get here if you want to get back together. Otherwise I'm getting digits from the waitress.
Randomize
