Send those Picts to my email please. From last night
Ps thx for the porn on my phone
;) ur welcome
Is it gay to rub my penis between my butt cheeks and pretend that they're tits?
Wow! You need to get laid.
Yeah well I just ate cereal out of a muffin pan with a fork. I'll flip a coin as to who has to tackle that pile of dishes we've neglected for 3 weeks.
my shit smells like andre
unrelatedly i think im gonna download boogie nights just to see mark wahlberg's penis
yeah he couldn't walk in a straight line and started throwing up and told the cop he just has an astigmatism
This is God's way of telling me He loves me and wants me to be a cocktease.
Go forth my daughter and give blue balls to all who may gaze upon your tits.
Hes wearing a shirt that says warning shitshow and i cant help but think his attorney made him wear it so ppl know the dangers.
Whatever happend to that lawsuit where he got sued for shittig in that fish tank
They invited me day drinking but brought their kids. 3 two year olds and 1 11 month old. I was asked to change a diaper, I laughed and took another drink of this margarita. I LIKE CHANEL AND TEQUILA NOT CHILDREN. Can we make new friends?
next time im at a party and go to fist bump the dude who took my virginity two years ago PLEASE STOP ME
I walked around with red solo cups on my feet, weeds tied around my neck and a tree in my hand
There's "red head", "preppy white girl" and "the two Asians I dated and now everyone thinks I like Asians"
Your dating history is like the united colors of Benetton
So apparently my mom hired someone who goes by "DJ Dog Dick" for the family christmas party?
Mom just walked in with a bag of weed and funyuns. I'll talk to you later.
I walked in on him jerking it to videos of UFC fighters. The most awkward part: he didn't stop when I walked in.
Randomize
