My mom was talking about how protein is essential to strong bones and then I told her, I'll give you protein.
How unfortunate for your Mom.
Let me put it this way - if I had a list of things I would like between my legs, she would rank below the cello I turned into firewood sophomore year.
ATTN: We are officially 15 weeks from our annual "Get-Mega-Stoned-and-BBQ" event. Start saving up the proper supplies. That is all.
Im on my period and I feel like I'm going to die. The only thing that can make this tolerable is for you to eat me out in the shower. Please. I'll do anything.
Feel like I died but someone put me In a human microwave and I got back to life.
Did I really make him pull over to give the homeless guy my bra?
they set my background as his mugshot to remind me "having a big penis won't be a valid excuse in a court room."
You fell in the corner and refused to get up unless someone helped you. And then you crawled under the pool table and took a nap.
If I die here, tell my vagina and my cats that I'm sorry.
He lit a shoe on fire and tried putting it out by peeing on it
You can't be mad... I'm letting you jerk off in my parents shower
I've never been so drunk at home. I just sat on the toilet playing with toilet paper for ten minutes, I almost made a paper crane.
I just told 2 of my vibrators "I love you." I seriously need some dick.
I don't know what she did to me last night, but the scratches on my back indicate that I had sex with a Bengal tiger last night.
he was just sitting there in his underwear... and his chewbacca mask...
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