Let's just have a brief moment of silence for my dignity before we start tonight
Guys who wear capris make me want to kill endangered species.
she just asked me to help her create a twitter page for edward cullen's hair.... seriously.
when your english prof writes "this was a real good paper" on your essay, you know you're at the wrong college
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I will never try to masturbate with americas funniest home videos playing in the background ever again
Does your throat ever get sore from being choked too hard or do u think I'm just getting sick??
I wish my brain had a "congrats you just defeated the munchies" notification!
What time do you think you'll be heterosexual?
Dude I woke up and he was pissing in the corner on his clothes... I called his name an he replied " I got this" and continued.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
While randomly hooking up with my neighbor last night he says "it's okay we're neighbors".
I'm beginning a new chapter of my life in which our fridge will always be stocked with jello shots. I'm excited to embark down this road to fruity, semi-solid alcoholism.
I just watched my high school guidance counselor pee in the backyard of this party.
She rode me wearing nothing but a Santa hat. Merriest fucking Christmas!
Nah, i wasn't offended. Having a bridesmaid who you had had multiple threesomes with your future husband would be weird.
he said "i'm the cat whisperer, watch". he took a hit from the pipe, grabbed the cat and blew the smoke in its ear. he grinned and the cat started purring. it was magnificent
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