i just passed a truck with a bumper sticker saying "i'd rather be cummin than strokin." god bless the midwest.
What can I say...he's packing some serious heat down there. You wouldn't expect that looking at him, huh?
I guess God knew he was going to be bald...
Yea i'm supposed to have jury duty on monday. Hope they don't mind me still being drunk.
Na you can't get charged for public intoxication unless you're outside. I checked.
I drink more single than I do in relationships. Except with assface.
I've been timing it. He's been showering alone for 33 minutes. 4 minutes ago, he said "truth or dare." haven't heard anything since.
I'm glad we're going to catch up. too bad it's over my vagina.
My date just wheeled me home in a shopping cart but it was normal
I guess, just don't make it awkward
MY FUCK BUDDY'S MOTHER FRIEND REQUESTED ME! IT'S ALREADY AWKWARD COREY
it wasn't until he got that douchey haircut that i started regretting sleeping with him
Looked like a bag of smashed assholes and smelt like a brewery - still got morning sex. Marriage rules sometimes!
Just delivered a pizza to a holiday inn and a delivery driver from Me n Ed's walked up at the same time, we both were going to the same floor so we stood in the elevator making small talk about delivery stuff, but a small part of me wanted to deck him, stand over him and shout,"FOR THE HUT MOTHERFUCKER, FOR THE HUT!"
Jesus christ, don't start a pizza delivery gang war.
Okay so it turns out that my bf keeps a log of every time I sleep-fart. It's dated back to 2013.
It's only funny because he thinks you had sex with him to rob him.
You know, you could always move. Lol somewhere without gators, water moccasins, and Marco Rubio.
GOD DAMN IT I COULD HAVE HAD A MOTHERFUCKING 3 WAY LAST NIGHT. WHY BOOZE, WHY?!
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