the guy i hooked up with is asleep on our couch. please dont fuck him.
He looks like the kind of guy that still collects pokemon cards
Seriously, stop peeing all over the toilet seat. It looks like movie theatre butter.
it's pretty bad when you go in bed bath and beyond and recognize 6 different bed spreads you've had sex on
does she really think making her boyfriend delete me on facebook is going to magically stop us from hooking up?
Drunk in burger king. Having it our way. Free fries. M&m sundaes.
I had an epiphany. If a dude dressed up as Batman to ask me out, I'd prolly marry him.
I might stash a bottle of vodka in your mailbox, that way if I wanna leave early I can drink in your frontyard till you get back.
Denim handjobs are the worst handjobs. I hate all handjobs. Why do people even.
My credit card got frozen due to suspicious activity. "Let's go over your recent transaction history... it looks like these are all at bars." BITCH, DON'T JUDGE MY MONDAY NIGHTS.
I DONT WANT YOUR DICK. I WANT BRUNCH.
My potted cactus died. I am literally less nurturing than the desert.
Dilemma. I'm out of wine and I can't put on clothes to go to the liquor store bc I just got spray tanned. If this isnt white girl problems I don't know what is.
walk of shame across osu's campus on game day. i can see all the spots i threw up last night. its like my personal yellow brick road.
No no no, work drunk and day drunk are totally different. I got drunk with a client and made a huge sale at 1pm. You are still in your PJs and jacking off.
Randomize
