Dude, I totally just put a lit lighter to my hand for 10 seconds
How much beer did you get for it?
One ice cold coors, but those mountains lied
we literally spent four hours convincing you that all 5 of your toes were there. no more everclear on a tuesday.
i just had to use the keg as a stool to reach the margarita maker. i'm such a problem solver.
I think I wrote "thanks for the free alcohol!!!" in their wedding guest book and I'm almost positive I signed my name
I might have been fine if i had magic teleportation powers and could have skipped the car ride between bar and home
Would you even take no as an answer? I have a feeling you see it more as a challenge.
So the guy who is making our IDs is in jail now for attempted murder, with no bail...
So no fakes?
i had a tequila and emotion induced one night stand with a random stranger. senior year: infinity me: 0.
Also, sorry about chilling in just the towel last night. You know I have ADD and somehow even after looking at you, I forgot I'm not the only person living there right now
i feel like when you brought up the possibility of you getting pregnant the sexting is over
When did i become the Rickety Cricket of my own life?
I just did a shot of Jameson and two shots of cuervo. Note: this is the moment things went down hill
No like I actually peed on the treadmill. As it was running
gin. gin. Gin. GIN GIN GINGINFFdJH
I'm feeding a baby and swiping on tinder...what has my life come to?!?!
Randomize
