where are you?
in the room with the baby pig
k im coming soon
rough night. sneezed a watermelon seed this morning and apparently I drunk dialed my boss for a ride home. twice.
sometime during the course of last night, i decided to get donuts for this morning. i'm a fucking genius when i smoke.
i got last night's adventure to take the garbage out when he was leaving. my vagina is THAT good.
I woke up in the penthouse and did lines off the to of the fireplace. This is not real.
Judging by the hole in the wall by the door, the mis-matched shoes by the door, and the door hanging off one hinge... i'd say he's on the loose.
Sometimes I stop and laugh and think "and these are my actual life choices".
He bought me a oreo ice cream cake with "thanks for not calling the cops!" written in icing. If that doesn't sum up winter break, I don't know what does.
Will that be creepy to wake him up at midnight with my tongue all over his body??
I feel like every time I get the courage to masturbate to a guy from Game of Thrones, they kill him off.
How did you get him out of the shower last time?
Order Taco Bell and leave a trail of burritos leading to his bed.
Official reason: I couldn't get time off. The real reason: last Xmas nearly ended in alcohol poisoning to prevent me from screaming like a velociraptor
I thought if I bought the most expensive pregnancy test I would look like I had my life together
VIVE LA RESISTANCE
Oh god, what now?
Dude, what the hell where you thinking last night
Welllllll basically they were like "challenge" and I was like "accepted"
Randomize
