I need a man. I think Im going to put myself on Craigs list since they caught the killer and all.
Do it and if you add naked pictures youll get an instant reply
btw, but what hole was i in last night? wanna know if i have to worry
DOES ANYONE KNOW THE NINJA TURTLES
that coffee was exactly what I needed. Also whose awesome hat is on the couch with ear flaps? I wanna put my head in it
Dude I thought this was going to suck, but moving back in with my dad is like being at a frat party every night only everyone is 40 years old.
promise me that when we are 32, we will look nothing like Kim Zolciak. Promise me right this instant.
Blonde girl lying face-down, passed out next to my bed, walls are covered in guacamole. College is looking excellent.
Apparently I told a girl last night, that's she's super beautiful and I don't want to fuck she just deserves being eaten out
And I also succeeded in getting kicked out of a bar when I was drinking straight from the vodka bottle at our table.
First you say "it can't get any worse" and the next thing you know you've shat yourself on Christmas Eve.
A very confused plastic surgeon just called. Apparently I called asking how much it costs to get a vodka funnel installed straight to my brain...
i love how you just walk into that dealer's house every time without knocking, yet you don't even know his name
Her son walked in on us and asked if he could "wrestle too."
im about to go through the checkout with 3 flasks and a wedding card. let the judgement begin!
update: cashier guessed cash bar before i could say anything. completely bypassed "dry" and knew cash bar right away. i love this state.
Do you have any idea how awkward it was to type ‘dog twerking’ into google search? Because I don’t think you do.
Randomize
