so pretty much your parents know your seeing a girl on the side, let her come over and just dont say anything to your girlfriend?
It's like sleeping with someone you met at a karaoke bar. It's never okay.
I didn't think it was possible for the human body to be physically dependant on weed until I moved in with this kid
I kind of feel like guidos are mythical creatures.
he asked me to help him wrap his girlfriends birthday presents. Dont worry we fucked right after.
everyday i am more and more thankful i can still check the no box for "have you ever been convicted of a felony?" on applications
Ask her if said friend is decent looking or a wildabeast. Need to know if I need to top these 8 coronas off with a little tequila.
I was talking to another guy at the bar last night and all of a sudden a flying piece of Sausage lands on my boobs. Then I hear my boyfriend yell, "just marking my territory."
It's the best! If I had one wish it would be for life to be one really long gay porno. Thats what I wish for during every 11:11.
showering high made me realize that i should seriously reconsider my career path... id be a damn good hair shampooer & head massager
She tried doing a backflip and ended up doing somersaults down the entire stair case.
I was like sure, i'll have a drink or two to end the night early. Next thing i know theres a ton of dudes in my house and like 3 gallons of wine. I cant do anything in moderation.
It's 7am. I'm sitting on the curb in last nights clothes with a nose bleed and no idea how to get home. Low moment I feel.
I'm like a sensual ninja. You turn your head for a second and.... BOOM I'm naked. It's like a naughty magic trick.
Question: anytime during the past week did I drunk dial you and give you full permission to grab my boobs? Cus I know I said it I just don't remember who I said it to...
Randomize
