Liz and I are now offficially highest. OH, and your girlfriend may be a vampire. Heads up. SPARKLESSSSS
Put my glitter back.
Can we just schedule bi-weekly fucks and bypass all the bullshit?
Booyah. Found 8000 pesos in my closet and that's apparently 608 US dollars
We just saw him running from campus police a few minutes ago. So no, I don't think he's still passed out on the quad.
It's my diet secret . . . it's like slimfast but I call it cockfast instead.
We pretended the crowd cheering the Thunder's win was cheering for us while we had sex on the couch.
She pulled up to the bar in a limo, wasted, and alone. Gets out, shrugs and slurs "I couldn't find a cab" and proceeds to take a shot.
I'm in love.
I don't care how great the sex was, I cannot unsee what has been seen. I regret ever stalking his Facebook.
Nothing like snapchatring dick pics to a\nMarried woman while your girlfriend destroys Taco Bell in the next room. Almost caught, worth it. Got boobs back
She still didn't believe that he would cheat on her so I finally said "how else would I know that his batman mask is still in the back of his car from halloween?" I think she accepted it
as your best friend, I hope we never outgrow 'I Just Got Laid' texts
You are free to stop by. I promise to keep my penis in my leather pants
Don't be hating on my everclear. Never taken a smoother journey into intoxication.
Its really awkward pooping while on videochat. Even if you turn the video off.
I'm so stoned. We're making Josh's sister bake us brownies. She's so small and pixie like. Her brownies make me cry tears of happy.
Randomize
