i just noticed 4 flies in my red wine. i drank them.
blow job with a beer in the shower, I just created the ultimate day spa for dudes
It just feels wrong masturbating with my neighbor's cat in my apartment
Of course she said it wasn't that good, I don't bring my A game to pity fuck the thrice divorced girl from work
I mean I'm not worried about us not getting wasted. I'm more worried that I'll be doing a Boris yeltzen impression by 1030.
I gotta stop tellin complete strangers at the bar that they're the godparents to my first born
Congratulations, your dick has been selected to participate in my birthday sex. Please reply with a response.
Do I have a choice?
I am sorry, you're response was not recognized. Please try again.
Dude I walked 1.4 miles through the hotel wearing a cowboy hat, pink topped boots, gucci shades, and a scarf and met my parents in the hallway at 7 am how is this not a good start to Vegas?
I forgot how easy it is to have sex in public when you're wearing a dress. Thank you global warming.
So question... If I'm sexting with uncircumcised guy, do I have to add *then i gently pull your foreskin down*?
Your feet probs hurt bc the cab driver kicked us out a mile from home after you wouldn't stop screaming "prohibition can suck my dick"
One of my interns found me on Grindr. I'm really gonna make him earn the absurd amount of money I pay him.
Would it kill us to punctuate. That last text took me 5 min to read
I feel bad for her. If you sacrifice and have a chubby husband I feel that you assume he's not going to cheat on you....
New Orleans is just like you. Dirty but beautiful and will always have a special place in my heart
Randomize
