I wanted to dispute a few 411 charges on my phone bill. The service rep told me I called them four times asking for Lady Gaga's number.
Contrary to what peaches says, you can't fuck the pain away. Full story later. Have a good morning, buddy.
She gave me a bj in her parent's kitchen while I ate the rest of her mom's birthday cake. Fuck. Yes.
Yeah you fell over while you were peeing and you said "hold I'm, I'm still peeing"
you crashed our wine night double date and sat on the floor eating cheese talking about how big his dick is.
We still on for coffee?
Cream and sugar. Deliver to planned parenthood in 45.
I just really need a hug and a shower beer
I rolled joints beforehand. Lit a candle. Ghetto rigged taping the 40's on my hands and then lit the joint using the flame of the candle.
I'm so proud of your modern ingenuity
I mean I love some drunk compliments, but he just wasn't up to my low standards.
Something bad happened. I'm just giving you some notice. So you can smoke some pot and hide all sharp items in the house.
This may be a weird question to ask someone who is 21 years old, but are you grounded?
wow, being home for Xmas is freaking weird on tinder. I went to high school with everyone I'm matching... The fact that this many jocks like me now is a huge ego boost from my lack of glory days.
...and I'm done. I just matched two boys I used to babysit without realizing it.
But on the bright side the arresting officer was just as hot as I remember and I took a pretty okay mugshot.
i just swapped my iPhone for a happy meal. this is greg btw, the hooker let me borrow her phone
she said. She was going to, and I quote, "put her vagina inside my dick".
Randomize
