ok i'm going to motor boat your sister now. ttyl
Of course she's mad at you. You Kanye Wested a picture of her catching snowflakes in her mouth. "imma let you finish but..." was the shaft and you put two of Kanye West's heads for the balls.
His second form of ID was an emergency room wristband from an hour ago. What the fuck is going on right now
Haha yeah he had an allergic reaction to the alcohol earlier. He thinks that if he only drinks vodka he will be ok...
the facebook you made of my ass has 10 times more friends than i do.
Did I hear correctly when it sounded like he said "just don't let me throw up into your vaj?"
Yes, she gives me platonic blowjobs as part of our friendship.
I BIT YOU IN THE DINING ROOM. I bit you and you crunched
I just had sex over my oven then high fived the guy. It's going to be a good year.
new district manager is here. you need to come in early
5th mimosa says otherwise
It's 5am and I have yet to fall asleep. At what point do we just accept that I run on vodka?
Our lives are a motherfucking joke
I'm going to talk him into letting me tie him up, and then just leave him that way and go meet you for fro-yo.
So you just held his hand and he fucking came...?
Also fucking you night and morning and then serving your parents breakfast is a bit awkward. And funny. To me.
I dropped my slice of pineapple on the kitchen floor and was just staring at it about to cry. It was really good pineapple.
Randomize
