This girls a $30 bar tab from being bi
Mike is offhisass drunk and just sat down next to my sister and said "If you gained 30 pounds and stopped reading poetry, I would be attracted to you. Now, your little sister, attractive, even though she's basically the same person as you- she just pulls it off better because she's 15."
my roomate judo was messing around with a girl who recently had a kid, when he was sucking her tits milk came out lmao
I know I'm not learning anything when I can't even spell the name of the class I'm taking
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Fuck Spring. The birds chirping at 4am make me feel unnatural for still being up and drunk.
Stop introducing me to people as your little sister.
I don't think the lady gaga poster on your wall qualifies you as a brother.
It's cute how he thinks we're going to have sex again
I think I ruined Robin and Mikes anniversary. I walked in on them fucking, accidentally broke the necklace he gave her, and I stole the keg from their party. Not in that order
There are too many people and smells in this elevator for my hangover to handle.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
you're going to have to hot glue me into my dress tonight. there's no way out.
I've got my wine, though it wasnt very good so I threw a sour patch kid in it
I actually just took 17 pictures of some guy at the gas station that needs to marry me now
We had sex in the church bell tower and somehow it still feels right.
It's 2016 and I'm somehow banging the milkman.
Of course you try to burn the house down on the one night we take down the smoke alarm so we can use the fog machine more
Randomize