i found literally half of a double sided dildo in my shower. i guess someone went home happy.
I just found out why they dont make table-dance tables out of glass.
Woke up on the floor holding a sandwich. Shots. Never again.
In the middle of fucking me, she said "Hold on, I need my Hulk hands."
i'm sorry for cheering you on when you were making out with him. i was just celebrating the fact he was decent looking for once
Don't worry we did the "promise to get an abortion" handshake
The landlord called, GOOD NEWS! Noise violation #2! Something about people singing and fighting with vodka bottles in the parking lot. Well done us.
When the shrooms kicked in we both simultaneously realized we were not the right puzzle piece for the dubstep puzzle.
We made eye contact and were like we are not welcome here, the ravers are onto us and we need to get the fuck out before we get shuffled upon
I just ran into mom and dad day drinking at the bar while I skipped class and was day drinking at the same bar.
You know I love you more than life itself, but love has its limits. And so help me god, if you bail on me, I will fucking watch the last Game of Thrones episode without you.
Your brother just walked into my room, pissed drunk and butt naked, got into my bed and fell asleep. In knowing I am gay, you have one hour to deal with him before I do
Can't. Way too high. Forgot how to operate doors. Stuck outside.Come get me.
Last night you were prentending to be a broom stick...you were laying on the floor and humming the Harry potter song.
Just fell down the stairs..might wanna call the ambulance jus take the weed out of my pocket be4 they come..
Is it sad that my idea of a quality foursome would involve one person eating me out while the other two rub my feet?
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