where are you
in your bedroom
how did you get in
your wife…
WTF
Please don't call me names while I'm carrying your child.
it's like i can feel the ghost of his dick still inside me
You totally drew a penis wizard on my closet that says "I travel for cock rock"
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She ditched her BF in the library to come see me wasted at a house party and i still ended up banging that rugby chick instead.
she tried to douche with champagne. in front of all of us. unabashedly.
would you say our friendship is at the "help each other shave animal patterns in each other's pubes" phase?
So my parents just watched me pour their rum into a bottle and only add crystal light powder, no water... Talk about being judged. All I could say was "Cortland tricks?"
I was hoping for a marriage proposal... Or at least an offer to sleep in his bed.
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I didn't wake up drunk this year...I must be getting soft
Yeah I guess quad-fisting Miller Lites just isn't as effective as it used to be
Either he pets my cat or this deal is null
That's why i need nudes. Plutonic nudes.
You told me you were trying to learn all the MLB ballparks while you waited for your porn to load.
I'm pretty sure I hallucinated the existence of an entire human being last night.
Maybe if I ever do become a counselor, I would just implement a kind of intensive meme therapy.
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