Did you know that cab drivers don't take quarters for payment? They don't even like it when you ask.
I'm drinking till I'm someone else's problem
I'm thinking we should try to start remembering stuff we do. Althought I kinda like feeling like Nancy Drew the next morning.
More like the Hardy Boys cause its kinda like a team effort.
you tried to do a keg stand and ended up flipping over it and onto the table
he is literally lying on the floor eating cookies. doing nothing. and as i was hitting him he needed to protect the cookies more than himself.
I think Charlie st. Cloud is the saddest thing I can masturbate to.
I came home to my brother stoned out of his mind. He got a high score on COD and asked me to have a celebration yogurt with him.
She is screaming bc she thinks you jumped out the window...please show her you just went out for a smoke
I went in the closet and cried, then the bathroom and cried, and lastly he showed me his penis and I cried. It was a weird night.
Client visitor days are the worst. If I have to wear a tie and can be hungover at least have the decency to find some more attractive visitors
How much booze could a drunk brad chug when a drunk brad does chug booze?!?
All. The answer is always all
I'm pretty sure that the bartender arranged a marriage for me last night. Sounds like a legit birthday present to me.
I got to my internship late... with a bag of chipotle and sex hair.
I get dinner and bf perks from the one guy. But dick with no commitment from the other. I’m living my best life.
there are LEGIT cum stains on my ceilling. ON THE CEILLING!! you tell me how the relationship was.
Randomize
