You know what, matt, a girl is not really that interested in a relationship if she goes down on you the first time she meets you
i wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commericals
My cardio has turned into running out of the cold from bar to bar.
we were wasted and he didn't have a condom so he called the front desk and asked for one. They didn't "officially" have them but the night manager happened to have one in his wallet. He brought it to the room with two mints.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm in a trailer park. But I'm not scared. The virgin always lives.
I feel like I had eight dicks in my mouth
I'm gagging in the liquor aisle just thinking about how much alcohol I'll be drinking this weekend.
Well at least it wasn't the first time I threw up out of a second story window
I just took a dump to end all dumps. Other dumps have already written ballads about it. It was the Armageddon dump. Bruce Willis was there, it was awful.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My going away gift was all of them dancing around with solo cups on their dick and balls...these are my friends
You yelled "I gave my neighbor some of my bitch sauce" and then passed out. You now have drinking limits with us.
You were passed out by the toliet and when i said i had to pee you told me to piss in the sink. Never has a girl with alcohol poisoning been so rude.
rest in peace liver.
It was nice having you occupy space in my body that could be holding beer n chicken.
that's going in my livers obituary.
so, i take that as a legit invitation into his pants
My ex boyfriend literally just asked "who needs porn?". This is EXACTLY why I dumped his ass.
Randomize