Would you like to blur the lines between friendship and lesbianism tonight?
my mom sold the house because of the grow room the couple saw i had in the basement.
How do you feel about fucking me quick and then me leaving to go do arts and crafts?
Last night he asked the cab driver "if you were in the middle of getting tattooed and the tattoo artist suddenly got a boner would you leave or would you get that boner??"
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The woman in the hospital bed next to me just got diagnosed with flea bites on her vag.
Whaaaaaat? No way.
Now a discussion of pigs vs. dog as carrier.
We're gonna have screwdrivers in a cab at 4am?
Is that weird?
That does it. We're drinking til we're pirates.
I'm trying to be all porn star and he's making it all The Notebook
We told you to act sober so to prepare yourself you started doing squats and stretching then you slapped yourself and walked in
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so we just got back from swapping peoples patio furniture around to different patios. some people might like unexpected change. others might regret living on the ground floor.
Just a little drinking. So much fun and love. The world is a shiny wonderful sphere in the sky so why shouldn't we celebrate?
I feel like everything in my life has been preparing me for my future sex robot experience
You’re so close!!!
Okay. Did I say I did anything unusual? Because I usually do weird stuff. Did I clean mirrors? My mirrors are really clean, and I think I remember having windex..
She won't let me meet her hot new boy toy just because she thinks it'll lead to us having a threesome. It's not fair. I thought we were friends...
He heard our neighbor’s vibrator through the wall, knocked on her door and now they’re doing it
The blonde?!? That’s just unfair! His penis already has a fairy tale existence
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