i'm sure there's a big cosmic reason for things working out the way they did. like, now you have awesome images to masturbate to.
he borrowed my computer and saw his name in my recent google searches. Things got awkward real fast.
Last night we hooked up in nothing but out UK shirts during half time. Never say I'm not a dedicated fan again.
We were making out when she went into convulsions. At least now I know she's allergic to peanuts.
I really need to get laid. I'm telling at least 10 girls that I love them tonight.
Odds are at least 1 out of those 10 girls will be as crazy as you and will be into it.
ive cried into many a lonely burritos..
So my mom wants me to come swim with dolphins with my little sisters in October. I'm not sure how to tell her I saw a "when dolphins attack" special when I was rolling and am now terrified of them.
He stood me up and then his cat died. I feel like this is Gods way of saying he's on my side, even after the tequila fiasco.
Sitting in my car feasting on the spoils of Taco Bell as Donna Lewis croons "I love you, always forever." A more perfect moment will never exist.
Look I'm sorry I stuffed your wife's bouquet toss but I won't have that weak shit in my house.
I wish I could have a tequila IV with me all the time. Intravenous tequila intoxication.
Too bad I can't un-pee in his body wash
YOU TOOK A FUCKING SNAP OF ME TRYING TO PEE! I'M GOING TO FUCK YOU WITH THE BUSINESS END OF A RUTED RAKE!
Get over here asap there are three naked girls two bottles of whiskey and only one of me
I have in my possession one ukulele shaped package.
Randomize
