I have had sex with more partners than how old he is.
I think i ate a live goldfish last night. that i caught with my hand in a kiddie pool. my stomach really hurts.
we are driving next to a guy driving and masturbating while looking at a naked magazine. I love LA
dream priorities were more important than voting today. don't tell me you wouldn't keep going back to sleep to find out who would win a fight between oprah and godzilla
The liquor store wont accept checks from us anymore.
What are the odds of finding the one hot Australian dude with erecile dysfunction?
he needs a life. he was like frothing at the mouth to cockblock you
constantly striving to make life awkward and more complicated, one drunk bone at a time.
Gong!
YOU'RE MARRIED NOW YOU CAN'T KEEP GONGING ME WHEN YOU GET LAID IT DOESN'T COUNT
I have bruises all over from falling so much last night, I even have bruises on my arms from them picking me up off the street.. Oh vodka nights.
The problem is drunk me is completely unaware how poor I am
You had a hat of bras. Probably a good dozen, which is totally impressive for a Thirsty Thursday
the people next to us at the red light cheered for you while you puked out the window...
when in doubt, mount your coworker in the staff room.
I honestly think sometimes all you need is a $2 alcoholic punch poured from a jug into a big glass to feel better. I guess abblebees is my new problematic fav
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