I have way too many pictures of poop on my phone
sometimes i wonder what i would do without sheltered catholic girls w/ overprotective parents
never have sex?
I woke up on the side of the highway to the ppl in orange jumpsuits cleaning to comunity service. Not sure which freaked them out more... Finding a dead b ody or me not being dead
any advancement on the stomach flu vs. pregnancy scare of '10?
It's getting increasingly easier to use his emotional instability to my advantage. That's about all he has going for him right now.
Reading my bank statement stoned makes me feel like an adult.
he said verbatim, he wants to "bang you hard".
But seriously, I hug most of my drug dealers.
If you hear a sad honk in the wind it is me.
My dog got laid yesterday. Some lady came over with her husky to breed. He did it like a champ. I was so proud
Lesbians had sex in my bed last night. It's a thing of pride
Im including "no monologues past 1am" in the list of apartment rules. Theatre majors dude.
I can't wait to shower all this regret off of me
I'll do whatever I want when I'm 80.
If you are still alive at 80 I demand a medical explanation.
My last Google search was 'can an impotent man have sex'. I don't even want to know what I did with that guy.
Randomize
