i think i've said "don't judge me" 10+ times tonight... is that a bad thing?
yes
... don't judge me
Someone should tell Glenda that I only hang with her because she makes me look prettier.
I'm having a self conscious moment and I need your complete honest opinion of my boobs.
Voted patient of the month again at the urgent care. I need to rethink my life choices.
I have been way too involved with your nipples this weekend
He's high as balls tripping balls and doing a reenactment of the scene where Buzz jumps off the balcony and can't fly to his soundtrack of Toy Story.
We're 17 hours into a 3 day weekend, and he's already shitfaced. He fell of the dock TWICE and insisted on wearing a life jacket on dry land.
You asked me if you could throw up in my shoe.
She was just a sweet cute intern for us until I saw her naked in my bed the day after the Christmas party
You kept trying to make cocktails with my protein powder last night...
There's weed in my toothpaste. Explain.
ARE YOU OKAY?
Physically? Yes. Morally? No.
He fucked me in one of the back rooms at the club then gave me an altoid. I have mixed feelings about it still.
His wife just cheated on him for the third time. I'm his first extra-marital fling, that makes it ok, right? You know to keep karma balanced in the universe
Your logic is flawless...
The problem with adderall is that no matter what I'm doing, I feel like it was the most productive thing I've EVER done.
Did you alphabetize our spice cupboard again?
...You'll thank me later.
Randomize
