Dude my mom stole all your condoms
it's my fault, I passed out instead of getting up to pee.
We're pretty sure the 'pocket' aspect of the hot pocket is unnecessary. Testing our theory now.
he refused to get me toilet paper before we started drinking so I keep wiping with his towel.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Revenge fucks should not count towards the total number. They're justified.
your mascara is on the toilet seat from when you fell asleep last night
I didn't take her seriously until she snorted that ramen noodle flavor packet...
No. He just yelled "youre having one more orgasm!" So he made that happen and then he rolled over and went to sleep.
Everything smells like beer. Everything. But I cant drag myself out of bed to take a shower. So beer it is.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
This is kind of a weird question but were you the other girl Ben asked to do a group sex thing with?
I'm glad the semester is over. I need a break from the term "whiskey sharts" coming up so much in conversation.
Yeah well you try taking nice pictures while you have pizza crust lodged in your throat
Dude I think the cat just licked the coke plate
Wait you actually sent a text to your self saying “love you I miss you"?
I just found a piece of dried shredded carrot on my bed
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