at some point when you're making out with the ex girlfriend of your ex fuck buddy who happens to be the ex boyfriend of the girl that you just got drunk with who was hitting on your current fuck buddy who is best friends with your ex boyfriend, it just hits you: oh my god i need to get out more and expand my social circle.
would it be inappropriate to describe you with the phrase "bigass titties"?
BEES IN MY FUCKING PANTS. HELP.
At some point I made a semi-conscious decision that i was okay with sleeping in my own vomit.
the party we crashed was not a party. the party we crashed was jens grandads funeral.
Just think about it this way, every time you work Sunday, it's another $75 and that equals another hooker when we go to Amsterdam.
he just flipped me off the bed, said "deal with it", and came on me.
Lets get real here, ive seen your moms breasts multiple times
I know it's not technically the "Mile High Club" but we def need a name for the airport bathroom. Cuz that just happened.
There's nothing like telling your girl to hold your pants while peeing on your neighbors door
holy fuck man...it feels like I got beat the fuck out of by death's baseball bat...chimichangas?
you got coffee,laid,and a sandwich. that never happens when I work
Do you know how fucking great a bath bomb is when you're high?
So if i am talking to a guy and he sends me a pic and he is wearing Spiderman button down dress shirt.... Is it ok if i dont want to talk to him anymore?
Talk shit all you want but with my new knife sharpener I have a lethal razor sharp pizza cutter. Fuck with me Mario I dare you!
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