a girl just told me i should have been born earlier in the alphabet
The best time of year to be high is WHEN THE KING CAKES ARE HALF OFF BECAUSE MARDI GRAS IS OVER YEEEEEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHH
My fave moment of today was you sitting in a hot pink innertube puking into the ocean in front of a lot of children. i would have held your hair back but the ocean did it for you.
went thru the pain of a Brazilian and he's passed the fuck out while i eat Doritos and watch tbs. fuck married life i want out
Ya I got a cut on my head from the toilet seat last time I drank there.
do you really not remember him getting up at like 4am with a leaf blower running through the house and telling people to "WAKE THE FUCK UPPP"
She's beautiful tan and skinny she will make me hate myself and that's what I need in a friend right now
tonight were gonna drink champagne and watch girls put themselves in awkward position
I think my vagina is phsycic. All day it tingled and then BAM Channing Tatums look alike fucks me like ive never been fucked in my life.
A giant panda just asked me for a cigarette and said "man pandas gotta smoke too." There is something wrong with this place.
hes duct taped to the wall and we're throwing eggs at him. i love thirsty thursday.
I'm drunk at 3:28
I'm jealous as shit at 3:34
OUR DIABOLICAL SLUT PLAN HATH COMMENCED!
Do they still have sex clubs in San Francisco? Because that'd be an interesting way to spend Easter.
This is the Front Desk Lady from the Saturolite Inn. Your friend is passed out in the lobby. Please come help her.
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