I just didn't expect you to be so naked....
Shark Week may as well be Shark Weed.
if i wake up one more time on my porch im gonna start considering myself homeless
Also I got A jello shot for $2!!! It's like the forever 21 of bars
I drunk wandered into my parents bed and slept between them
I have teeth marks. Like distinct upper and lower jaw.
Yeah me too. My shoulder looks rabid.
I'm the only kid serving jury duty. And I'm the only one who may walk out of here in handcuffs for a warrant. I'm enabling these people to doubt America's youth once again.
I just noticed she took the "toys" too. That's how you know when it's really over.
While we were making out, he kept yelling at me for not coming to his wedding last month.
This is simple. Just sex and high fives. No feelings.
I've started budgeting for next year. It looks like I'll be crying tears of dollar bills and handing them over to pay back my unholy college debt.
I thought since you asked to see my dick I might as well say hi
These are the last few fleeting sober moments of the day for me. If there is anything you need me to do today, please tell me now
Who put the toilet in the living room? This is extremely inconvenient right now.
Thrres cinnamon everywgte. Plead cine get me
Randomize
