the best part about watching a meteor shower at 4 am is being able to masturbate in public and drink hot chocolate at the same time.
please stop telling ppl youre Alice Cullen when youre drunk
why dont you just whore around college until someone loves you...thats how it works for girls isnt it?
the nurse was shocked when I handed her a cup of green piss. what did she expect giving me a drug test on st. patty's day?
Nahh. Maybe not even a handful. It's more like a heaping teaspoon worth of dick.
just go where the car takes you. fingers crossed its here with breakfast.
Maybe before the beach I should get a tracking chip in my arm.
And we're now at 8 people from the office coming to my desk to ask me "do you feel better?".
That's why you bone lesbian cage fighters and 45 year olds. To make life less boring.
Just so were clear your wife is cut off from my dick.
Update: the condoms are expired and Canadians are NOT to be trusted!
No, I didn't meet up with him! That's when I had chlamydia.
Baked out of my mind. Went in the bathroom, a daddy long leg spider and a carpenter ant are battling it out on the floor. I brought my computer with some dubstep.
OMG THE ANT WON
It took like and hour to get him in me and then he came in like 2min. Size aint everything
Guuuuurrrrrl! He ate the 🌮like it contained the Covid-19 vaccine!
Randomize
