So I have to go swallow an entire zebra. Ur on ur own girl.
I just wanted to draw pictures of limp wieners on peoples doors and smash pictures of palm trees. That's it.
Bonnaroo quote of the day: "why the fuck am i pregnant?!?!" - exclaimed loudly by random hippie.
She seriously needs to find another hobby other than bouncing on cock.
Cant decide who was more of a mess the morning after... me when i passed out in the bathroom stall or you when you sprayed yourself down with hairspray thinking it was sunblock
He told me he was 'pondering the natural wonder that is my ass'
Like, dude. I'm already fucking you, you don't need to wax poetic.
Isn't he wasted enough that he might actually mean it and not just be trying to get you to fuck him without a condom?
I figured out that he lasts longer when I rap during sex. He made it all the way through "Love the Way you Lie"
Boobs speak an international language.
We're listening to space jam. This can only be a good omen.
Just watched my entire extended family eat salad out of the bowl i threw up in last night.
So when the drug raid cops tell you, you should get out of the relationship, it probably means its time.
I was just trying to flirt with James Franco but she kept telling me to take shots out of Ron Burgundy's mouth
You're the only person I know that could get laid while visiting their grandpa in florida
walked into my room this morning clutching two empty bottles of sminoff to find my roommate's ultra conservative parents staring at my posters of naked men. fuck parents weekend.
I couldn't be more proud to be a cougar. Just wondering how these twenty somethings learned how to fuck so well? Must be porn.
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