East Village: Only place you can play pac man while eating a pineapple hotdog, go to the bar next door and see a graphic blowjob on every tv
She smells like mac and cheese, right after you add the cheese. It's strangely erotic.
Hello rock bottom. My name is Jared. Nice to meet you.
which gay bar do you need a ride home from?
On a scale of one to trashy, how is this: Got drunk, gave a guy a hand job. In the middle of the bar
I think you broke the trashy scale
She told me at midnight she would blow me harder than a new years party kazoo
You know that hot fire fighter I fucked yesterday? Well him and two other guys are killing the fire on my stove. Awkward.
6 other girls and I took an ice cream truck to the bar when we couldn't get a cab. Best birthday ever.
A friday night jus isn't the same if the cops don't raid my dorm
Can we agree to not tell mom about this?
This isnt even the most disappointing thing i know about you.
Like I had to call my dad because I couldn't manage to unlock the door. And when he got there to open it I was climbing the gate to get in.
I like it when Amish boys stare at my boobs, even tho I can't tell if it's in appreciation or disgust. Rumspringa, mothafuckers.
I'd like to request an "its my birthday discount", and for you to bartend shirtless tonight ;)
I had sex in an engineering office last night. So that could be your life. I was mounted on top of a sketch of a future parking lot for a maintenance building. If that's not romantic, idk what is
Ok I'm drunk as fuck already at 529 and this waitress started flirting with me, I wanna bang her for acknowledging my existence
I feel like a dancer trapped in the body of a math instructor. Love, Mom
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