Sometimes, when I'm driving alone I talk to myself in a Russian accent so I think it's my mommy and it calms me down.
Flying to Orlando on the 7th is cheaper than the 8th by like three margaritas.
He then proceeded to tell me about his enlarged lymph nodes, his"severe" case of blue balls.
im not sure if this headache is from the car accident or cocaine withdrawl
We left the bar, went to a sex shop, bought penis shotglasses, went back to the bar and insisted that the bartender used them.
i will pay you if you can come get me. he just suggested that we would have a hockey themed wedding.
We waited til after. Not even drunk sex felt right during a Disney movie.
Go ahead. I tried to back up ur budhism story but she mite be catching on
Dammit. I hoped that would work. Just tell her I'm doing my pilgrmidge to Nepal or something.
fat people need to stop using the handicapped bathroom stall so I can have sex in it. it's common logic
Technically he's married but he says it's "not like that" even tho his wife lives with him. Not sure if I believe him but I'm sleeping with him anyway.
dude when I get home wanna help me fulfill my dream of smoking a bowl out of my saxophone?
You were crying in a drunken stupor for an hour because "the new daft punk album didn't blow your tits off"
She asked if she should pack the condoms, I told her I plan on drinking so much that it won't be possible.
This makes me appreciate being single with no prospects.
I think I'm emotionally ready to start being a slut again. I'm excited.
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