i jus seen this fat chick walk buy look like she had don king coming out her arm pits..
i was watching some porn this morning and i realized i am blessed with a truly beautiful vagina
oh my god. i just found my camera... on top of the bush outside of my house. never let me drink everclear again
I fucked him in a hamburger. literally. he has a hamburger bed.
if im not pregnant im gonna be so pissed for spending the money from my weed fund on the test
wow, a mother in the making
Oh my god it's like Minesweeper. I can tell there's sex in three of the four rooms, but which one is the safe one?
We're not in high school anymore. I'm not going to pretend to be impressed as he butchers my favorite songs on his guitar. I just wanted to get laid.
Lesson learned. Kayak oars are not golf clubs....check
While I was sneeking out of her apartment, there was a giant cage with a parrot in it. I half expected it to squak "hit and run...hit and run."
I'm running on two hours of sleep, a shot of vodka, and half of a granola bar. I can't be held responsible for what I do.
I mean, we were all drinking, but I'm pretty sure kidnapping came up.
Some guy just walked past the bus stop in a lab coat and with a samurai sword and case...
hey man , the girl you brought home last night is in the kitchen puking in the sink and asking if she can have more shots of Whiskey....think i should give her a shot glass or send her home....
He walked into me masturbating to a framed picture of Bill Murray riding a t-rex
We were fucking in the bedroom then we heard Sports center on in the living room. He stopped midfuck when I started celebrating that my team won over his
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