So I heard you only slept with me because you were drunk...is that true?
That depends on who this is.
My lab manual has instructions for making home wine. Room project?
at least if we puke, we will be surrounded by beautiful, non-judgemental trees.
On monday, while we were having crazy monkey sex, I earned $82. Vacation pay rocks.
Liver, I have supported you for 18 fucking years. Pull your weight for ONE NIGHT and detoxify this alcohol.
Oh I love our desires, it's riding my bike at 2 AM with a massive erection that I dislike.
Something bad happened. I'm just giving you some notice. So you can smoke some pot and hide all sharp items in the house.
Why do you have an empty bottle of port in your bathroom bin?
Today's hangover is probably top 3 of all time. Just threw up in an envelope. I'm on the ferry and didn't want to get out to puke over the side because I thought I might fall in the river.
If I get laid tonight it will 1.) Prove that the sex gods do in fact exist, and 2.) Show that I am one motherfucking badass bitch.
He seems like a lot more than a waste of tequila
I share a birthday weekend with Easter this year, so that fucking sucks. I hate sharing...and I have to share with fucking Jesus this year.\n
the orange of my hangover Tang is hurting my eyes... my coworkers knew it was hangover Tang too.
It’s only loud for those who wanna get loud. The bowlers are protected.
Wakes up in a cold sweat at 3am, 136 unread messages and the preview on the notification is "I JUST GOT TO THE INCEST PART"
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