OH MY GOD! I just remembered how we ended our bar time last night: picking up and drinking random drinks that ppl had left. wtf is wrong with us?! that's so ghetto!
No. You're kidding.
I am not. I wish I were. I speak the truth.
I got a Cease & Desist email from NBC for downloading Bruno. I am not going down for gay porn.
my car smells like vomit and bananas. this can't really be my life.
Just tell your wife to stay in the car because you are self conscious about drinking infront of her. Now you have a DD AND we can still have a good time.
So help me Jesus we're never drinking together again. But weekends don't count. Amen.
omg i hate the new neighbors. why cant a bitch just be hungover in peace on a wednesday morning.
We should search craigslist for porches to sublet.
We were thinking he might be gay. Like how the fuck do you not even make out with a girl that made you a grilled cheese
I just realized I'm trading you a pregnancy test for the morning after pill...
It's been a bad semester.
idk but i can hear her singing "Call Me Maybe" really slowly and emotionally in the shower right now
HEY. That drawer full of booze in my dorm room also has aspirin and Tums in it. So don't tell me I don't care about health.
As much as I trust your struggle imma deal with being Eskimo brothers with my own sister before I get to that
There is a video of you making out with him, flipping off the camera, and holding the plastic flamigo that you had just stolen out of a yard
It wasn't intentional or anything but I've now had sex with all of your siblings. How's college going?
how do you say “i know we haven’t hung out in a month, but i gave myself an amazing orgasm to your picture the other day” without coming on too strong
Randomize
