giving a blow job on a jetski isn't as easy as it sounds.
Day two of vacation and my first drink of the day is a plan b colada
i have a $600 bill for my ER visit in which they did nothing but suggest to me that i am an alcoholic.
shut up i haven't hooked up with anyone since 45 minutes ago
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Every time I hit my bowl my neighbors set off fireworks... I stop, they stop. I start again, they start again. Too high for this.
He asked me to grab his balls and yell "thats a spicy meat-a-ball" Last time I do requests.
You said you couldnt get the condom on but "its the thought that counts"
sorry for throwing an entire water bottle of vodka at you. It was very wasteful
sleeping in bed with your booty calls married sister...you're the stuff heroes are made of.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We don't have paper towels so I microwaved a spinach/egg sandwich thingy wrapped in toilet paper. Toilet paper. so that's how my day started.
Remember that girl from my stats. class that I ran into at the bar 2 weeks ago? She literally hasn't been to class once since I told her I sit behind her.
When I'm drunk I really like to hold dicks. Like, affectionately.
I ended up in th ER yelling my height weight and age
Update: I just threw up in between cars in the parking lot of magic kingdom.
i feel like i shouldn't just had to send a text that said "no i will not eat your ass"
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