"Tonight I'm turning swine flu into an std" this might be how zombies come about. Peace civilization.
You were in my dream and you got the lyrics to lollipop tattooed on your chest. Don't get it, it wasnt that cool.
sometimes i think i'm bisexual but then i realize the only girl i'm attracted to is myself.
Why do I feel like that's not the first time you've drank champagne with someone dressed as a unicorn?
I think it was you who decided that coming home at 3AM and cooking eggs topless was the best way to end our night. Eating the scrambled eggs off each other's boobs, that was ellie's idea
This girl would not stay down. It was like night of the living dead. She kept on rising up to haunt anything with a penis
You should photoshop their heads on tigers first!!
For my parents' annivery card? How high are you?
What I've learned from glowsticks: glowing things are not safe to eat
he woke me up with all the stuff I had at his house in boxes i had to unwrap my own belongings and he said. Happy v-day its time to see ya day! Worst day ever
Im going to hell I gave him a handjob on the plane next, to an old guy playing video games on his iPad, on good friday.
I accidentally mass texted his dick pic. Not only to my friends, but to my dad as well...
In the event that Ian's ex wife asks you, tell her I'm sweet snd innocent. No reason.
It was a glorious ass. He has amazing hands. I want to fuck him until he can't do math anymore.
Just got a handjob in the hospital
A new low.
I often wonder if we’re introverted extroverts, but I don’t think so. I think we’re just easily tired scumbags
Randomize
