Dude WTF? His teammate just started talkin to me on fb! Am I walking around with a "I like to f**k gators" on my forehead?
No, it just says ur easy
PS, you're not being slutty, you're "making dreams true."
truck drivers should not leave their trucks unlocked with cigarettes inside when we're drunk and walking around.
Dude. Cab ride home consisted of me making out with an Asian girl sitting next to my Dad
I put chex mix in your purse for when you get hungry while doing your walk of shame tomorrow!
Gave up on finding an ashtray.... just started flicking it in my purse.
Paige is home safe.
Actually, she's here now, punching me in the face. You should've kept her keys.
I woke up to a stripper (who added me on Facebook) messaging me reminding me to cancel my card if I can't find it
like, is this a date?? I'm sitting on his couch drinking a juice box while he makes taquitos in sweat pants
He called yelling about whhhhhhiskey and enchiladas I heard sirens in the background last time I talked to him b
I don't care how hot he is. I will not strip for him to country music.
Why are you naked at 4pm?
Its my birthday, I dont have to wear clothes
I seriously feel like I just crawled out from under a shit covered rock. I'm NEVER drinking like that again...well, not for alteast a solid 3 hours.
Just got drunk at the Cheesecake Factory again. Made me think of you.
That's the nicest thing anyone's ever said to me.
I am going to bedazzle the shit out of your Basilisk costume.
Randomize
