That's why you don't touch shit after fingering somebone
The first sip always goes straight to my vagina.
Does it bother you that I left your underwear hanging in a tree at the zoo? i think the turtles are enjoying it.
since when did accompanying a guy to a wedding mean that anal was required that night?
I wish I had my own personal Asian lady that lived under my bed so that she could wax my eyebrows and give me a pedicure whenever I wanted.
if they reproduce, their children will be the worst quarters players ever
i took it, then realized you live 3 ours away. but if you start driving now, im almost positive I'll still be hard
i just keep picturing us drunk surrounded by kittens.
hey your mom heard me say to her " That right your not going to Shit right for a month"
First highlight of the semester: campus safety caught me peeing in the dirt parking lot by kappa. Then as they were about to write me up, they recognized me, laughed, and left.
I clipped one of my extensions in his hair to give him a rat tail. What is my life?
Your clever response has earned you a blow job this week
Crying into a glass of wine at 10 am isn't exactly how I planned this day to go
Ugh hungover at a laundromat is a terrible feeling. For some reason I keep getting sucked into staring at the clothes spinning around and around and it makes me want to profusely projectile vomit everywhere
it was like 6 shots in and he was automatically my type
Randomize
