my phone cant type all the emotion im having
i would rather give Shaq a handjob than take this accounting final
I bought my dad an absinthe brewing kit for christmas.. looks like tripping with my dad is in my near future.
he called to tell me the scratches were still on his back. this was in the summer.. still the best hookup
i recognized the place by the puke stain i left on the pool table when i hooked up with his roommate.
sooo my mom just yelled up the stairs " you left your bowl down by the computer"....aaand for a second I forgot cereal bowls still existed
My right boob is officially about a handful while my left is 1 and 3/4 handfuls. I'm staring at the mirror falling into a deep depression.
I don't like him near enough to give up day drinking AND my prostitute costume
Dude. Get me out of here. I'm surrounded by glitter-faced 40 year olds in halter tops. The desperation here is so thick you can taste it.
Might be time to reevaluate my life. Banned from red roofs inns. Apparently I puked in ice machine. 3 hotels in a year.
Okay we're getting vodka and coming
Okay. Joe has my machete attached to his belt
He sent me a mirror pic of himself and sent it to me and all i could think about was the amazing bong hits i took with his roommate in that bathroom.
I got drunk by myself and ended up listening to Beethoven in the dark.
Today is going to be a great day. He just brought me a donut on his dick... It's Sticky Dick Donut Day!!!
It's become almost a Pavlovian response. The sound of the vacuum being run by hubby causes an instantaneous involuntary orgasm.
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