So I have some interesting news. The pizza guy called the cops on me...
dude. i just ate tomato soup with a funnel. we're out of spoon-straws.
I made him go down on me for 40 mins then pretended to pass out. I swear, I'm like a boy.
Is it cheating if its a threesome? This is more like a party game than infidelity.
Whiskey and I have a long and stories tradition of excellence
I broke the girls bed. I will not apologize about bragging.
NO HOOKUPS IN THE CAR. I will try as i might to practice what i preach, but there are no guarantees.
Okay so, sorry but last night we had to put a note on your chest and a key around your neck just so you would make it home.
If I ever look like I'm about to have a repeat of last night, hit me. Just smack me as hard as you can.
Everyone called me "Barf Vader".. And I lost your lightsaber.
didn't prepare for this snow storm at all. i only have like 6 beer and all my booty calls already went home for the holiday. this is bull.
Chick in the reindeer getup puked on Baby Jesus last night. But then she bought us all empanadas so she's cool.
I am googling "notable people who had syphilis"
Remember when we thought adulthood would be different than college?
It is different. We had hopes and dreams back then. Now we're just alcoholics.
You fucked him, didn’t you?
He showed up at my house with tacos, rum and a negative Covid test. Of course I fucked him. I’m just a simple girl that likes tacos, not Margaret Thatcher!
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