Definitely still drunk while signing the 'responsible adult' form at the hospital
so i woke up in some guy's bed but then i realized i can atone for this tomorrow
I wish i could be on x for the rest of my life.
About to fuck some random fraternity guy I met at a party. I guess this would be the right time to say I don't want to be with you anymore.
Of course I was flustered, I had a lot of penis in my face.
James and whatshisface bought me drunks. I am drinks.
We ended up on a hotel balcony in Daytona where she lured a seagull down with a pizza crust she found in her purse and preceded to grab it out of the air by it's neck.
Two things. 1 - I want to apologize for my drunkeness last night. 2 - I want to pre-apologize for my anticipated drunkeness tonight.
How is it that you get into at least one taco related fight a year?
I feel like a sex bomb and I need to go explode on somebody
Dont... please don't. Don't fuck him on his bean bag bed
OH MY GOD YOU GUYS I JUST FOUND OUT I HAD PHONE SEX THE OTHER NIGHT
Don't try to butter me sideways
That is without a doubt the most Southern thing you have ever said.
I'm sorry you had to knock him out on your birthday. But that also means I won the bet that you'd hit someone so you owe me 40. dollars
Jack and I got in a huge fight at 6am. He fell asleep when I was giving him head so I freaked. We were both black out so I made a memo in my phone reminding me
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