It's a sad day when you have to slightly move your fupa to shave.
god I hate her. why can't she just fuck and leave like a normal slut.
You tried to call the hospital and left a voicemail asking if you could be put on the liver transplant list as a "pre-caution"
I swear that when I have my own bathroom, I'm gonna lock myself in there and masterbate for at least 3 days in sheer appreciation of it.
I was on hold waiting for customer service at verizon so we obviously we had enough time to have sex, i just put the phone on speaker
Nah it's cool, I made him pinky promise me he wouldn't die if I left him passed out in the bathroom.
Im thinking about quitting weed for my dog
I think the multiple Sunday morning sirens outside my window are a plot by the cops to get back at me for the shit we pulled last night. Or I should move to a better area.
someone to text and fuck? since when does that constitute a relationship?
since 2006
How could I forget your birthday? I have an alarm in my phone to ask you for sex that day.
She sucks enough dick that I could make her mouth a legitimate Yelp location.
I work nights. I sleep in. I take online classes. And fuck bad bitches. I'd say those are some perks to grad school.
Doug will be the one to get my vagina. I don't know when or how but I'm now declaring that it is his. And he better not disappoint.
It's now officially the Christmas season, so I have no shame in drinking evernog.
I HATE BEING THIS HIGH FML IT'S LIKE I'M MAKING UP FOR ALL THE 4:20S I DIDNT DO ALL AT ONCE
Randomize
