I think I just was a dick to Paul Rudd.
The only downside so far to having a guy roommate is that when he's doing a walmart run, I just can't bring myself to ask him to pick up a pregnancy test for me. I feel like that's just too much too soon.
You tried taking his shirt off at the bar. He was 37 and married with kids.
Her mom offered to give me a lap dance. I was a guest, I couldn't say no.
This santa hat i wore to the bar, served it's dual purpose as a vomit bag.
I am way too attached to fictional lesbians.
He's high as balls tripping balls and doing a reenactment of the scene where Buzz jumps off the balcony and can't fly to his soundtrack of Toy Story.
there's still three solo cups of your puke in my basement. so that needs to be solved at some point.
We smoked bowls and watched Cops for what seemed like hours. And yet I know I'll go back.
He staggered in with his pants around his ankles and yelled that he lost his pants
Turns out I screen transfered my streaming trucker restroom porn vid to the downstairs neighbors'TV instead of my own, damn you chromecast
Omg. Tonight might be the night I masturbate thinking of a smoothie!
Of course the sales lady was judging you, you bought a pregnancy test, ky jelly, diet pills and a 6 pack of red bull. Even i'm judging you.
sometimes i just have a bad day n consider lowering my standards
Blacking out in the security line at the airport is not nearly as fun as blacking out in the lunch line at the dining hall.
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