Being pregnant is so damn inconvenient for my sex life.
i wish sherlock holmes were still around today... he'd be able to find my g-spot.
he went to find a bathroom and came back 10 minutes later with a fifth of bacardi, a pack of cigarettes, and two funnel cakes. he is a man among boys.
Blacked out last night, but left myself a note that said "oops on oops on oops" that can never be a positive
There are some sad choices of men in the ER. That one was missing teeth. Not the place to find a husband.
She got the hiccups while deep throating me. It was epic. Once in a lifetime experience.
Oh boom. You're officially Dr Phil. I need to have sex that I actually remember participating in.
he shit on the floor last night i'm not venturing down there
Also, I saved your name as Everclear last night. No idea why I did that.
Mom and I are both drunk and walking around the Strip. It's like the hangover but with a lot more bathroom breaks.
I'm pathetic. I'm eating cream puffs in the bath and crying a little.
Carver called his mom a milf again
Was it on purpose this time?
Would it be weird if i sent him a "happy fuckiversary" text?
Omg. I definitely just got hit on by my doctor AFTER he completed my pap smear which clearly showed I was in the middle of an outbreak. What. The. Fuck.
Fuck your bullshit loser kid and his gluten allergy.
Randomize
