Crosby and Malkin: Two girls, one cup.
Come in. Grab a controller and a beer. We've got some Madden to beat.
You're the best girlfriend ever.
Just spit on a sock to clean a spot on my glass table. Oddest combination of so lazy and motivated ever.
He's paying me $45 to clean his room and $55 if i find the oxy that he lost.
i signed up to donate 10 dollars a month to help the children that are being displaced in columbia because of the drug wars.. i felt obligated
I was desperate so I downed my birth control with balsamic vinaigrette...
Remember when I booked a hotel room for next sat? Nneither do I.
You gotta pick a side. My suggestion: side with tits.
I ordered a VEGAN pizza, because it gets here the fastest, just so I could get a 2 litre of Coke. For my whiskey.
I am walking funny today. And it's sad because it's from the bad encounter with the sidewalk rather than a good encounter with a stripper
Did I come home in a police car last night? id come downstairs to ask you but i dont think my legs work anymore
honestly dont worry about it, its not the first time ive injured myself on a potted cactus during sexual relations with a woman
We have hung out 5 times and only had sex 3 of those times. I'd call that friendship
I'm sober now, I ate a whole cantaloupe.
Dude, I just turned down sexual favours because I need to study... What the fuck is wrong with me?
Randomize
