uhhh i just had a guy tell me he's seen more jam bands and done more drugs than i could err imagine. what a turn on.
So we sucessfully lit our bathtub on fire. Thought you should know.
Now he's talking about how he's writing in a journal because he doesn't remember "his thought patterns when he was in elementary and that's distressing". I'm walking home. Fuck this.
I just decorated my birth control case with Lisa Frank stickers. If that doesn't scream 'I'm not ready for babies' I don't know what does.
I woke up and someone had put toast at my feet. I was SO. HAPPY.
Then he said something about how from that angle I looked just like his mom.
You have dresses for different occasions. I need different men's dicks too. It's logic.
Actually, what with the curvature of the Earth, it's faster to leave from Washington. And Google maps recommends kayaking instead of swimming.
Well we were going to compare notes, but all I could remember was throwing up, and all she could remember was kissing, so then we decided to not compare anything.
50% drunk capacity currently
also karaoke with swedish 7yr old and drunk 50yr old = best idea ever
Your drunk naked friend is roaming the living room. Started roaming my room. Please come retrieve him
My sister just showed me a snap chat that I don't remember sending, it was a picture of me with two big macs in my bra with just the words "BURGER TITS"
A homeless man just offered me vodka. The power it took to deny it deserves an award.
Let's just say it was like a porno version of Aladdin....
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