my brother is a facebook fan of two things: God, and Rhianna. if he's not a prime example of the rare "baptist closeted gay," i don't know who is.
Exactly. All of us sinners go to hell and get nothing while all of the goody two shoes get to go to heaven where its all pink floyd, lasers, and pot.
All I know is I had a penis in one hand a bottle of wine in the other
considering how much of last night I don't remember and the amount of ones laying on my desk right now, it's safe to say I'm concerned
pretty sure I offered to blow her dad. she's not speaking to me & he won't stop winking at me.
I think the best part was when you jumped over me naked.
One minute we were getting noise complainted by the security guards the next I was shotgunning a beer with them
So I saw the nuva ring just lying on the counter at Planned Parenthood...did u know it's just a ring? I could go to the Dollar tree buy a plastic bracelet and shove it up there instead.
You do that. Then go have lots of unprotected with your harem of booty calls and see how that works out for you.
Sexting Captain while emailing my eharmony match about my low key weekend is hard.
Sounds good. I'm hoping to have my life together by next week but you never know I guess.
the only thing she has in her apt so far is toilet paper and shot glasses. you can see where the priorities lie.
I’m a women at a strip club dressed as post Malone
So this morning everyone commended me for puking over the porch. No one else made it that far...
I bet you my entire life savings of $0 that there's a Doctor Who porn parody and that it features the sonic screwdriver being inserted into some cavities
She's chasing the cat around the house hitting it with a cardboard sword yelling "there can be only one!"
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