Bullshit. I know you're watching The Dog Whisperer
That Cesar Milan is captivating
i can't believe i never thought of this: farticle man
Got home from the bar at 4am. 100% sober, unlaid. Epic fail or responsible behavior?
Responsible fail?
We did like every position then did it again this morning. Something about him being the little boy i used to make sand castles with just made it way hotter.
well done
I think my mom's writing a book called how to fuck with your kids when you know they're high
I just saw someone marching around outside wearing only a loincloth, dragging a fuckton of sheet metal. Spring has Sprung.
he's wearing our apron and eating a pb and oreo sandwich. and calling the oreos "topless" since he took their tops off...
Next time we throw a party together I would appreciate it if you didn't try to get my friends to hook up with friends of yours you know have herpes
No, absolutely not. If you see that cunt, throw confetti or eggs at her.
That's a pretty extreme jump from confetti to eggs
The Mole People would help. They are a kind, helpful people, the Mole People are.
Mole people?
Mole people
My vagina has a heartbeat. That means I'm in love, right?
Can you send me a picture of your dog? I might need to borrow him so I can wear a speedo to a pool party on Friday
I had the good sense not to tell her that my summer goal is to get fucked by a med student while wearing a party dress and sparkly shoes
if anyone breaks out the olive oil & slip n slide, text me 911.
She asked me if I could do that to her every single time. I said nope. sometimes it's better.
Randomize
