Dude I can't believe you let me go home with the wildabeast lastnight.
You always hook up with hot girls we had to know you were mortal
Please explain to me why I only attract Mormon guys. Just explain that to me.
I think it's God trying to counter your lustful nature. Imagine if Agnostics liked you. You'd never come out of your bedroom.
im sitting in my room wearing my power rangers shirt watching a movie about a magical dragon. Ive totally forgotten what having a sex life is like.
I'm pregaming before our pregaming dinner...with peanut butter and beer. I think I need to re-evaluate my budget...
Just the budget?
Apparently I kept telling people I was a pro tennis player again...
Its official. Girls from Indiana do not give rim jobs.
Just once I'd like to throw a party where I don't have to clean up someone else's blood the next morning.
We never did figure out who the stuff on the wall came from, did we?
Sweet and genuine is kinda lame. I'm more of a bust all over your face and hair kinda guy.
Uhm the hair is off limits bro, conditioner can only go so far.
Bro? You just made it a target.
Was just walking through the park by the river. Saw some random in a tree, we climbed up, blazed with him and bought a bag. In the tree. Real shit.
it was good sex until i became a rubber doll and he became a jack hammer, so i guess overall it was good
I'm trying to get WebMD to diagnose me with a hangover
I was angry that a college kid had a new Audi
so I peed on it
You fell asleep standing up against the shower wall
Why can't you just come over, fuck me, then leave so i can get stoned and watch law and order?
Bring me pizza. I'll trade you your underwear you left here for 2 slices.
Randomize
