This is some kinda fucked up sordid doggy brothel peepshow bullshit.
Just remembered to take my BC at the liquor store. Just swallowed it with a free sample of Whiskey.
i think i pulled off the nice guy thing too well. it just backfired later on when she thought i was actually nice.
I'm wearing cowboy boots and showing way too much cleavage to be in a place with no jaeger.
I knew you would eventually ask my secret. Pedialite mix drinks. Works wonders.
i told him i was allergic to semen. he pulled out an epipen.
BGSU move in weekend. Just passed a house w a beer pong table set up, ppl already playing, girls holding signs that say "son drop off". It's 10:30 am.
Just got hit on by a 50 year old Englishman who is now swapping drunken racing stories with my mom. Live Mariachi band in the background. How's that for a wake?
I want Samuel L. Jackson to stand beside me and narrate my morning shits.
So how exactly do I backtrack from motorboating and ass grabbing?
I don't know if apple cider everclear was such a good idea
I won the 'drunkest person at a family event' award tonight.
I just used my citation as a bookmark. Want a beer?
she's throwing knives it scares me
update: broke ceiling. glass everywhere
next time you go get food at three am and leave a rando here can you warn me??? Also i tazed him. but it was just my little one so i think he'll be fine. bring me some fries.
Randomize
