He asked me if I "almost moaned"
just watched her puke in her purse and put it back on the bar. then half hour later put her hand in her bag to get a pen to give me her number. I bet she is game for anything
after he handcuffed me and put me in the back seat, "Mrs. Officer" started playing, I thought maybe this could be my escape
How did currency from Costa Rica make it's way into my wallet...?
These margaritas aren't just going to regret themselves.
I'm hiding out in the living room until he falls back asleep. If he catches a whiff of my tits, it's all over. I just need to play it cool. Babies can smell fear
Dylan just paid 30 bucks to have himself wrapped in the clear plastic they wrap luggage in at the airport. Bring scissors.
At least your night didn't end with three cops seeing your ass and you sitting on the ground in a wig throwing your shoes at people
I send out my deepest condolences for seeing my ass last night.
I just soaked a sugar cookie in nail polish remover to clean off my nails because I was too lazy to walk to the bathroom to get a cotton ball. Is this what rock bottom feels like?
They used the ice bucket from their room to drink beer from and called it the "Holy Grail"
Please clarify that he is speaking of beer pong and not rough sex
I puked in the back of my mom's new car because I had too much to drink at Chilis. I think I just hit rock bottom.
Give it up bro. I’m not wearing pants or a bra and only an act of god could change that
I have cats now. Five of them.
Have you considered starting a global domination firm?
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